Mix & Match Wardrobes are Overrated

Separates, separates everywhere! Mix-n-match separates! Believe me, I understand why they are everywhere- they are loved because we currently live in a culture of hyper casual dress, and they are lauded as providing more wardrobe options as they are mixed and matched (which adds even more emphasis to casual appearance). I need to tell you, there is a dark side to separates. I'm especially lookin' at you sister capsule bloggers.

Tell me that the above set I created doesn't look painfully familiar. Why are so many wardrobes so horribly lacking in personality?

Separates are overrated because:

1. Casual is not the epitome of progress. It has a use and a place, but the way we present ourselves is a huge communication tool, and I like to think there is more to be visually communicated than "I'm on break from marathon Netflix in bed". 

2. When your goal is to maximize mix-match-ability, you will be forced to choose fairly plain items and rely almost entirely on accessories for visual personality. This isn't bad, but I think you could do better.

3. It doesn't flatter many people to create the line breaks that this separates approach takes, and it takes more effort to blend the line and complete a cohesive look than if you had chosen a smashing dress or suit. There are casual dresses and suits that would launch you so far from Netflix in bed. 

4. Option overload. Sure, you have a closet full of separates, but do you actually wear and pair them all? Do you enjoy it? Wouldn't it be easier to have a handful of complete looks just ready for you to grab and go, knowing it's already fabulous?

5. While the separates approach doesn't look awful on very many people, it also isn't enhancing anyone, due to the profound lack of flavor. Solids in neutrals (white, grey, navy, brown, cream, blue denim/chambray) are really really great. As filler. They are what you use when the rest of the outfit is loud and has already made the statement of YOU. Or you wear solids in neutrals as a statement themselves- modern/minimal, but in this case, there is a large burden placed on the style of the garment(s) to make a statement. A white button-up and a black skirt aren't going to do it. A white button up with sheer panels and bell sleeves, and a black midi skirt with fabric knots/twists and an asymmetric hem might do it- for a subdued look.

I get wanting wardrobe to be easy and to be comfortable. I even get wanting to blend into the crowd in a way that is aesthetically pleasing without calling attention to yourself. But you're reading my blog, and I want more for you. We can do easy and comfortable (not pajama comfortable, but easy walking comfortable), but we have to do it in a way that really sees you, and then chooses to enhance what it sees. Death to mix and match wardrobes.

This capsule wardrobe was put together quickly, and without anyone in particular in mind, so it isn't as cohesive as it could be, but if you ask me any day of the week which wardrobe I'd want, or which I'd want to see on someone, I will hands down always choose this second capsule.

The first/typical capsule has 240 possible combinations, each as dull as the last. It's an impressive number from 15 pieces. With the personality capsule, 14 pieces makes 80 possible combinations. If you added another pant of some kind, you could have 15 pieces and 128 possible combinations- still only half that of the first, but how many do you need? How many combinations will you wear? What makes you feel expressed and joyful to wear? What's easier to look great in?

 

Thank-you for indulging my agitation. I truly understand the appeal of neutral-heavy, mix & match, separates, and I will continue to help you wrangle them and make them work as you wish. Just know that there is another way of doing things, and it could be even better. 

How to Get Away with Never Wearing Heels Again pt. 2

We continue our series with three more outfits, finishing up our exploration of mini-lengths; and again, the trick is to match the flat to the mood of the outfit. Which shoes you choose can shift the mood of the outfit, taking it from funky to sexy to more casual; but rarely can it completely change the mood of an outfit, and so we try to stay in-range with what the outfit is saying.

The left is cute-cozy/casual-flirty. Choosing oxfords continues casual-flirty, the sandals casual, the slides casual with a funkier element given the print, and the rainboot would be really cute and a bit flirty. This is a potential outfit for spring-autumn Maenads, Angels, and Seers.

The middle outfit is edgy, and any variation on a moto-boot will pair. I especially like the first boot with cutouts because it helps continue the line of the leg/exposed skin while still having the feeling of a boot. If you do a solid boot with a mini length, it segments the leg in a way that can be harsh- anything with scalloping or cutouts will help blend the line, as would dark tights or leggings. This is a potential outfit for winter Nymphs, Maenads, Fae. 

The third outfit is sensual-cozy, and I really like the simple peep toes or sandals as an echo. The closed toe slingback is cozy. If you wanted more sensual-dressy, you could choose peep toes with sparkles or bow detailing. This outfit has potential for Angels and Mermaids. 

The post series on How To Get Away With Never Wearing Heels Again has concluded and you can find it all here:

Part One: Mini Dresses

Part Two: Mini Skirts

Part Three: Midi Dresses

Part Four: Maxi Dresses

Part Five: Pants

Part Six: Jeans

Summary and Type Specifics

Say Yes to your Best

In the KLM approach to style, we focus on what is working, rather than what is not. Rather than coming up with a list of NO, we come up with a list of Yes! Yes! Yes! A small difference at first glance, but with a big mental impact. Framing is everything, and we don’t need to know what is bad in order to work on enhancing the beauty you already have. Learning only what enhances saves mental clutter as well as keeps us focusing on that which is positive.

Rather than "no crewnecks" we ignore crewnecks entirely. Our list says only "yes! scoopnecks!"

I'm not even sure we have time for "maybe"s. When you learn your best, you also learn where you can make concessions if you have to, and which directions to make them in; but what focus we have available ought really be spent on enthusiastically loving our best- the very best versions of ourselves inside and out. 

A pitfall to this is the kind of obsession to detail, the pickiness, that arises from knowing our true best, and not wanting to make concessions. The trick is to remember that we are striving to be our bests with what is available to us right now.  

The future may bring something even better. All we can do is to do our absolute best with what we have at hand (including our budgets as well as style and color availability). If you have a solid basic wardrobe, then you have enough that you can wait through seasonal cycles and the trends of color and cut that come and go to find what really flatters you. You can level up your wardrobe one item at a time- replacing a jersey tee with a linen tee with a silk blouse, or whatever improvement on an item looks like for you.

If you don't have a solid basic wardrobe, then work toward building one while clearing your closet of what isn't working to make room for what works better. Small improvements add up over time, and are often better than sweeping changes; because they give us time to adjust, time to play, and time to really see and feel what is and isn't working. 

What do you feel confident in saying yes to?
 

when looking to others for style inspiration and advice

Looking to others for style inspiration and style advice can be a wonderful boon, but it can also be laden with pitfalls. Here are a few questions to help you navigate:

1. Are you asking for an opinion before trying to form one of your own?

If you ask what someone else things of something before sitting quietly with yourself and determine what you think of it, you're handing over the keys to the kingdom. Your opinion should ultimately matter more than the opinion of others when it comes to the way you dress, and forming your own opinion first requires both the time for consideration and the confidence to claim an opinion.

If you're still really not sure, it can be beneficial to ask others, BUT, get clear on what you're looking for in terms of feedback before asking. General "what do you think of this?" is not likely to be as helpful as "which pant leg best balances my body lines x or y?". If you've taken the time to ask your own opinion, you should have an idea of what you remain unclear on. Is the line off? Does the vibe not enhance your authentic beauty? Is the color a smidge too bright or too cool? Neckline too sharp or closed? Know what you're uncertain of, and phrase your question to others to reflect that.  

2. Are you copying someone's look wholesale?

I think copying is one of the most useful tools available to us, and that everyone should try copying this or that to see what happens, but a full scale copying isn't beneficial on a daily basis- it's most useful as a temporary tool to see what works and what doesn't. Using someone else's look as a template for your own is wonderful, accompanied with doing the work to personalize it so that it fits you like a glove. 

I see women try to copy a look or style type and become quite frustrated that it isn't working- that nothing is working. That's because to copy wholesale is to try on a costume. There is much to be learned from trying on a costume, but it's important to remember that it is a costume until you've drawn in other elements and tailored it to the particulars of your beauty. 

3. Are you asking for feedback with a closed mind?

One of the things I see happen commonly, is someone posting as if they're asking for feedback, when really what they wanted was to share a look and hear confirmation that it is well done. The opposite happens as well, where something they think is awful is shared, and they're frustrated when the audience disagrees. If you share a look, state clearly whether you want feedback or not. If you do want feedback, maintain an open mind, and ask for honesty.

Honesty is very important in guiding yourself or others (when they've asked for it) toward authentic beauty. It serves no one to blow smoke. Honesty can be done kindly. One of the best examples I've heard was something along the lines of, "That ____ isn't good enough for you." Isn't that a great way to say that something looks bad? It can be hard to find a way to say that something looks bad, because we know the person themselves to be beautiful, and it can falsely feel like telling the person they themselves look bad, rather than the thing looks bad/isn't serving to enhance their beauty.

It can feel painfully personal to have our style critiqued, because it is to a degree a reflection of our identity and self-expression. This is the very reason that honesty is so important. We want to do a good job at both expressing and enhancing ourselves in a pleasing and authentic way to visually communicate to others, and we need to know what is truly effective to do so. Being kindly honest is a gift for us to share with one another. When you hedge your honesty or dilute it too much, it becomes a disservice- exactly the opposite of what you had intended.

4. Are you inspired by style that doesn't enhance you?

This point can be brutal. It's hard to admire a look that perfectly enhances someone else without also wanting to have it for yourself, but stay true to what enhances you. Once you know your authentic beauty, it's easy to come to touchstone words that describe what enhances you. If a touchstone word is quirky, but you have an obsession with classy, you will have to be very very careful of how you try to bring your love of classy into your own look. When best looks and lusted after looks are really far apart, the more you can leave to admire on others who do it well, the better.

There are ways to bring elements into your best look from styles you love. The closer the admired style is to your own authentic beauty, the greater the elements you can borrow; and the farther apart, the more carefully they need to be handled. If quirky admires classy, she will have to bring classy in in ways that that still read as quirky- using classy elements in a surprising and unusual way- a blazer with an unexpected print or a strand of pearls in a fun color or with size variation. There is always room to play, as long as you're staying true to your best.

 

Have you noticed other pitfalls? What do you encounter the most?

Minimalist Basics List - Living Essentials

TL;DR: 
1. things to sleep
2. things to eat
3. things to clean (yourself/your spaces)
4. clothes for local temperature and laws
Please share your own detailed list in the comments!

 

The 100 Items or Less challenge and others like it are great fun to my essentialist-loving mind, but the lists others make usually frustrate me as well. What I always want to see is a list of everything they own and use in-home. When shared items aren't included, it feels incomplete to me. I also feel unsettled by some of the item grouping choices people make.

I had a discussion with friends about how a formula could be created to give ratings to each item. Items have different weights and heavy items can be more of a burden (you will need help moving that couch). A phone takes up less space than a desk. Some items are used everyday and others once a year. Some items you have emotional connections to and others not. Each of these factors shapes the joy or burden level of an item. The discussion was in jest, but it did highlight different item considerations.

A lot of my minimalist consideration comes from the knowledge that I will have to move all of my stuff. At one point I thought I was in my forever-home, and I accumulated many things. Then I was given sudden cause to move and I lost a great many items in that move (partially because I didn't have anything prioritized). You can forget what a huge pain in the butt moving your stuff is until you have to do it, and with the life I envision for myself, I may have to move a dozen times. 

What I want for my list, and what I love seeing on others, is everything you would take in a move- everything you would need to successfully and joyfully inhabit a new space. A Stuff list that has living basics as well as personal items. The living basics should cover what you would need to move out on your own.

Because I'm thinking of things in terms of moving, if I have four bath towels, they count as four to me and are added as four to my total number of items. If I had a box of towels, the box of towels could potentially count as one, as I'd only be lifting and fussing with one item. Every item I have to carry or pack into a box or fold or otherwise deal with for moving, counts to me. My intention is to have only what can fit in the trunk of an average car, to minimize moving hassle.

It's impossible to make a list that would seem essential to everyone. Some people's kitchen essentials might simply be a pot and a spoon, while other people have sets of dishes, frying pans in different sizes, and so forth. The only true universal essentials are 1) place to sleep 2) food 3) toilet/toiletries and 4) whatever is necessary to keep your body temperature in the alive range. For that reason this list will be from my perspective with notes where I'm aware that other people might want more of different things.

Bedroom

  1. Bed (mattress, sleep roll, futon, full bed with frame, etc)
  2. Bedding (sheets, blankets, comforter)
  3. Pillow (and pillowcase) - nonessential to some, but I'd guess essential to most

Additional pillows or a set of spare bedding may be wanted. 
Pajamas
Sleep mask (essential to me, though I've used clothing in a pinch)
Laundry basket (here and/or bathroom)
End tables

Clothing

At least one full outfit is needed (unless it's legal to go nude and you live somewhere temperate), that addresses the weather year round where you live. I know people who choose not to have any underwear, and I've seen lists where people count 12 pair of underwear as one.

  1. Top
  2. Bottom
  3. Undergarments (panty/short, bra, pair of socks)
  4. Shoes

Most people want more than this. I create successful wardrobes for women out of 10 items, not including undergarments. You may also want somewhere to put them, meaning hangers for a closet, or a small chest of drawers, shelving, etc.

Bathroom

  1. Towel, hand towel, wash cloth (one or some combination. I like a set for me and another for guests)
  2. Toilet paper
  3. Hand soap (liquid in a bottle or soap in a dish)
  4. Shower curtain (depending on the type of shower and if you take showers)
  5. First aid kit
  6. Razor
  7. Shaving oil
  8. Crystal deodorant stick
  9. Toothbrush, toothpaste (can be liquid bronner's used also as hand soap and laundry soap)
  10. Hair scissors (if you diy)
  11. Tweezers
  12. Toilet plunger
  13. Toilet brush

Kitchen

  1. kitchen soap
  2. dish sponge or cloth
  3. dish towel
  4. quality knife

Particulars of cookware and eating dishes/silverware are really about the individual. Some of the super minimalist lists don't have any kitchen items because they eat out for every meal. I prepare my own food, but there isn't much preparation for most of what I eat (dried and fresh fruit, nuts, olives, steamed or baked veg, etc). For others, the kitchen is a hobby zone, and they enjoy many gadgets and different pan shapes and vast spice racks so on.

pots, pans
blender, food processor, juicer
dishes (bowls, plates, cups)
silverware (forks, spoons, knives)
microwave
baking sheet
oven mitts
coffee maker, frenchpress, aeropress, etc; kettle
rice maker
serving/stirring spoon/ladle, whisk, spatula (scraping kind), spatula (flipping kind) 
grater
steamer
mixing bowls
measuring cups and spoons
tupperware, ziplocks
bottle openers
can opener
toaster, toaster oven
rolls of aluminum foil, wax paper, plastic wrap, and parchment paper
ice trays
hand mixer
cupcake tin, bread pans, cake pans
colander

After reading all that, don't you want to just have some dried fruit and nuts with me, swig wine out of a bottle, and call it done? I ain't packing all that ish. My VitaMix has traveled with me for the last ten years. I need to send it in at some point, but it's a very handy tool. If I move somewhere warm, it will warrant bringing my Dole banana nicecream machine- otherwise it will stay behind.

Cleaning

  1. broom
  2. mop
  3. vinegar
  4. rubber gloves
  5. bronner's liquid soap (laundry, teeth, hands, floors, etc)
  6. rubbing alcohol
  7. baking soda
  8. bleach
  9. trash bags
  10. trash bin
  11. paper towels

Other
Living Room is a non-essential category. Imagine a studio apartment where the bedroom and living room are one and the same, and the difference is whether the futon is in couch shape or folded down as a bed. It is a category for entertaining (yourself and/or others), and where many personal items may be if the home is yours (shared housing will find your personal items mostly in your bedroom). Dining room is another non-essential category primarily for entertainment purposes. Office and hobby rooms are two other likely possibilities for non-essential rooms you may have and enjoy. 

  1. smoke detectors
  2. carbon monoxide detector
  3. low folding table or other dining table or coffee table or desk
  4. floor pillows (4) or chairs or other seating
  5. lighting (lamps, reading light, flashlight)
  6. Curtains or privacy screen if there is a window

Personal Items

  1. electronics
  2. decorations, artwork, plants, candles
  3. sentimentals
  4. notebooks, pens, paper
  5. hobby items
  6. fitness items (yoga mat, etc)

 

Interesting though the personal item lists are, what is on your Living Essentials list?